Why do people feel the need to ask this question? Ever since Anna was born, I have been getting asked, "So, are you done?" in that knowing tone of voice that implies that of course we must be done since we have our requisite two children. The shock and horror in the asker's expression and tone when I say that we are not done is quite comical to watch.
Yes, my pregnancy with Anna sucked. Pelvic rotations are not fun. Puking daily for almost 20 weeks is not fun. Hardly being able to walk and being extremely swollen was not fun either. So maybe next time I'll just go to Babies'R'Us to buy a baby. Rachel used to think that's where babies come from - now she knows that they grow in a mommy's uterus. Of course, she's convinced that only mommies have a uterus and that she most certainly does not.
Back to my rant... why is it considered such an outlandish thing to have - *gasp* - more than two children!?!?? I have had people tell me that children are expensive. Yes and no. They don't have to be. Besides, anyone who knows me or has gone shopping with me knows that I'm pretty good at bargain hunting for the kids' clothes and toys. My poor mother gets shot down for wanting to pay full price for things for the kids if she's silly enough to tell me about it! (Not that I'm looking a gift horse in the mouth. And I'm certainly not suggesting that my mother is related to anything remotely equine either!)
I think one of the stupidest things I have been told about children's costs was by a member of the orchestra here in town. This was several years ago when Rachel was about 6 months old and we were talking about trying for another one. "Oh, you don't want more than 2 children. Children are expensive! And don't you want them to have things like music lessons? Music lessons are expensive. I have one family with 4 children and it's quite a struggle for them to afford it all." *Jane's jaw drops open* What I *thought* was, "I offer discounts to families with multiple children. Heck, I once taught a student for free all year long in exchange for something that turned out to be worth nothing. I regularly extend students' lesson times if I know that it's a stretch for them to pay for the extra time." I have no clue what I actually said, but I was shocked at the comments. Besides, if we couldn't afford it, we could certainly teach our children ourselves. That is, if I'm coherent enough to remember which hand holds the violin and which hand holds the bow!
And yes, we have chosen to not send our children to public school. Preschool isn't that expensive, and if we choose to send them to a private school, we'll obviously only do it if we're in a financial position to do so. Homeschooling isn't off the table yet either. I know, I'm shockingly not mainstream about so many things.
Seriously though, when did it become such a cultural oddity to want more than two children? We like to tell people that we want 17, because it's clearly unlikely given my age and difficulty conceiving, so people don't tend to push us. Honestly, we might be done. Or we might not.
#1 - Great pregnancy, crappy delivery
#2 - Crappy pregnancy, great delivery
I did say that if my delivery with #2 was awful, that we'd likely not try for another. Since the delivery was awesome, you'll have to wait and see. I've been told that I need to wait a year in order to let my body heal from the pelvic rotation. That's fine with me.
And no, we won't try for a third because we want to get a boy. That's just silly. Mind you, if we were observant Orthodox Jews it wouldn't be so silly because they interpret the command to be fruitful and multiply as needing to have both a boy and a girl. Or so I've read...
Ben would be happy with a whole house full of girls. He says that girls' softball is better anyway, not that we've been able to convince Rachel to try any sports yet! But it's not like we'd leave a baby boy on a mountaintop somewhere. We'd just have him circumsized and thus open up a whole 'nother can of worms.
I wonder how many more "hot-button" topics I can get into one blog post. This is really a fun way to avoid sorting and packing!
4 comments:
Such an offensive post! :-)
Every pregnancy I had after #2 we met with the same question, repeated over and over - "trying for that boy, huh?" as though each of my daughters was a failed attempt at a son and as though the only reason to keep having babies was to try to get a boy out of the bunch. Puleeze people! Don't they know that each pregnancy wasn't a failed attempt at getting a boy, but rather a failed attempt at charting my cycles? :-)
If "Are you done?" is an offensive question, just wait for: "Was this an accident?" when you are pregnant again.
The bottom line is that many people are idiots and should learn to shut up about other people's choices about procreation. I think we should celebrate every time a stable couple who have the means to provide for the children bring more into the world.
I had somebody ask me the other day, "How many kids are you going to have?" I said, "Well this one [in utero] will make number three." He said, "No, I mean how many do you think you'll have? Are you going to be done with three?" I said I didn't know. He sounded shocked. I said I'm taking them one at a time. For a while after #2, I thought I might be done, but I changed my mind. And I retain the right to change my mind (or have God change it for me) in the future.
I do have both a boy and a girl, so I'm sure people find it intriguing that we decided to have a third. I should tell them that since we have one of each, we're hoping for a puppy this time. But that would REALLY confuse the 4yo, who wants a little sister (since she "already has a brother"), if she overheard me tell anybody that.
OMGosh, I so love you!
Signed,
Your non-Jewish Circ. friend
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